Living Well With Autism

Download and Print the Tip Sheet

• Interact within your child’s competency level. Do short, simple, everyday activities together, like brushing your teeth at the same time, or mailing letters.  Make it fun.

• Don't insist on eye-contact with commands like "look at me" or "good looking." Natural eye contact develops as the child learns to visually reference faces.  This is a process.

• Model the kind of communication you want to hear from your child.  If you want to hear please, thank you, and I'm sorry, be sure you use these words yourself.  For more great communication tips, read How To Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk (Faber & Mazlish).

• Zone of Connection: get at eye-level with your child, arm’s length or closer, with as much contact as possible.  Don't try to get your child's attention from across the room!
  

• Don’t wear out his name. Try other attention-getters, such as “ahem” or a cough. Say his name once, and then touch his shoulder.

• Increase non-verbal communication. Try losing your voice for a period and only communicate nonverbally for fun. Your child may become surprisingly responsive to this!
  

• Increase facial expressions and and gestures. Make your face so interesting your
 child will have a reason to look at you and pay attention. Showing your child that your face has information (by making it interesting) teaches your child to visually reference your face.
  

• Use fewer words, and slow down. And match the length of your utterances to your child’s ability.  This might be quite low!  Keep it simple, not babyish.

• Make your words important by spotlighting key words with volume, pacing, pitch, an accent, expressiveness, and other emphasis.

This works!

Tips from More Than Words: Helping Parents Promote Communication and Social Skills in Children with Autism Spectrum Disorder by Fern Sussman

Use the “Four S’s...

SAY LESS use fewer words

STRESS important words

Go SLOW

SHOW use visual cues, gestures, expressions, and picture cards

Download a PDF of tips

You can do this at home! Download and Print the Tip Sheet

What is Imperative Communication?

Imperatives put pressure on your child to communicate; they tell your child what to do, or compel him to make a choice, or give the correct answer. Sometimes, you can’t avoid it, but a goal is to reduce it to 20% of your communication.

Examples: How old are you? What color is this? Say “thank you.” Which game do you want to play? Put on your shoes. 

Try to use Declaratives most of the time to communicate with your child

Declaratives allow you to share something you feel or want without requiring a verbal response from your child. This approach models the natural way children tend to talk, and will increase your child’s desire to comply and communicate with you.

Use declaratives to compliment, commiserate, flirt, wonder, comment, and share emotions.

Examples:

Share an experience or emotion: “I am so hungry.” “I’m not having fun.” “Whoa! Look at that!” “I wonder when it’s going to snow?”

Invite your child to do something with you: “Let’s walk to the playground.” “Here are bubbles.”

Celebrate and team with your child: “Way to go!” “High five!” “We did it!”

Encourage or suggest: “We can do it.” “Why don’t we take a break?”

Reflect on a past experience (try using a photo album): “That was fun.” “That was my favoriteride”

Narrate the action (instead of imperatives): “We are putting on our shoes.” “We are walking together. We are going fast!”